My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
