who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
