So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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