Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
