I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to make out with him forever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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