There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
