im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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