There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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