Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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