worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
