Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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