Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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