I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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