I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
