maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
