his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like death gave me a hand job
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
