in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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