im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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