You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
