matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
