Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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