alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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