Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
