great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
