So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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