i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
