Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's never too late to be topless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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