things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
