How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
