it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
