smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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