what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
