Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
