So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can text with my tongue
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
