: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
