By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
