This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
