Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nutella sex= disaster
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
