Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
