and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
