Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i will never coherently bang her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
