if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
