just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
