I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
