I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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