These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
