$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
