dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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