when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
someone owes me an orgasm
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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