I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
