Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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