I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found your dick twin last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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